Checking on Him
by morgana07
Summary: 1-shot. A call from Caleb brings Dean to Stanford to check on his brother only to find things are not as well as they could be & wanting a closer look at the new girl in his brother's life takes on new meaning of checking on Sam when Dean gets a little closer to help his sick & fevered brother. *Sick/limp/upset!Sam & caring/protective/supportive!Dean* Pre-series for the most part.


**Checking on Him**

**Summary: **_1-shot. A call from Caleb brings Dean to Stanford to check on his brother only to find things are not as well as they could be & wanting a closer look at the new girl in his brother's life takes on new meaning of checking on Sam when Dean gets a little closer to help his sick & fevered brother. *Sick/limp/upset!Sam & caring/protective/supportive!Dean* Is pre-series for the most part but ends right after the pilot._

**Warnings: **_Some for language but nothing too serious. _

**Tags/Spoilers: **_No tags and shouldn't be any spoilers unless you haven't seen the Pilot._

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own anything except the imagination to think up the plot._

**Author Note: **_Been awhile that I wrote anything without serious angst or hurt but this one popped up today while working on a chapter for something else so I went with it. I don't write pre-series a lot but for some reason that's how this one started out…also while lately I've been writing John in a not so bad way compared to my earlier pieces, this one doesn't show him as a very loving father but also not abusive…just…set in his ways so I wanted to put that out there for John fans even though he's not in it he is mentioned a few times._

_Look me up on Facebook under morgana07 for updates on new stories or just to chat. Thanks for reading._

**SPN SPN SPN SPN**

**Palo Alto, California 2003:**

"Who's the hot blond?"

"The girlfriend."

"What? No way. That's the girlfriend?"

"I told you I thought he had a girlfriend."

"I know what you told me, asshole. You just didn't bother to mention that she was a hot little blond and so far outta his league."

"And that is the reason I didn't mention she was hot or blond because I didn't want you breaking your neck dropping whatever you were doing to come check _her_ out. Now you want to move the binoculars up off her chest to look at the real reason I had you drop the case in Wyoming to meet me?"

A low grumble of complaint was heard but the shaded binoculars so no sunlight would reflect off the glass to give away their position moved to view the tall young man walking beside the hot blond. "Huh."

"And the little blond is no longer an issue," Caleb smiled to himself as he watched the change come over his friend the second his attention locked on the real object behind the visit to Palo Alto and Stanford College.

"How long has he been sick?"

"You think he's sick? We're a good forty or so yards away and spying with a pair of binoculars. What makes you think Sam's sick?" the skinny bald hunter hid his smile behind his hand as a dirty look was shot his way. "Right, that was a stupid question. I forgot, you still have Sammy radar even though he haven't seen him face to face in two years."

Ignoring the obvious attempt to get him to rise to the bait of that comment, Dean Winchester settled back to watch his younger brother and his girlfriend walk across campus back toward where he knew the apartment they shared was located.

It had been two years since the night that Sam walked away. The night when their Dad told his youngest son if he walked out don't come back and the last time Dean had been face to face with the little brother he'd practically raised.

Of course that didn't mean he hadn't seen Sam over the course of the last two years because Dean always found an excuse to come close to Stanford or Palo Alto just to check in on his brother or to slip him money anonymously; something that wasn't always easy to do without Sam figuring it out.

Their Dad wouldn't have approved if he knew how many times Dean had faked a hunt in the area just to have the excuse to come sit somewhere to at least get a look at Sam but in his opinion their Dad was an asshole and if he wanted to sit in a freezing park at too early in the morning to see Sam as he rushed to the first class of the day then it was his time to waste.

Not that it was always easy to break away to come to California since the Winchesters didn't normally hunt on the West Coast but since John had taken to hunting on his own again more it gave Dean more freedom; but he also appreciated it when his longtime friend and fellow hunter checked in on Sam.

Caleb hunted the coast more and so get to Palo Alto easier but when he called to specifically ask Dean to join him, the hunter knew something was up and a single short look at his brother told him what it was.

Sam had been six months old the night their lives exploded. He had lost the security of a normal happy life when their Mom was killed and their Dad became obsessed to finding what killed her.

John Winchester was an ex-Marine who had been left to raise two small boys and while silently Dean wished his Dad would've showed at least a small interest in raising them like sons rather than soldiers he wouldn't have changed too much of his life…his life that is. He would've changed Sam's whole life if he'd been able.

Out of the two of them his brother had been a total opposite in everything their Dad wanted out of them but Dean took the blame for that. He'd raised Sam pretty much and had done his best to give his brother as much normalcy as possible growing up despite listening to the preaching that the only life Sam would have would be hunting.

Hunting things, saving people…the family business. Dean accepted that as his life and had since he was sixteen and made the choice that no matter what he had to give up his little brother would one day have better and not be locked into hunting the weird and supernatural.

Dean just hadn't been expecting that by giving Sam that it would mean losing his brother because he knew their Dad meant what he said about not coming back, though he'd work on that if he had to, and Sam was just as damn stubborn as their Dad and wouldn't try to come back or call…even if he was out of money and needing help.

Caleb's call had come right on the heels of one of the not so rare these days fights between Dean and his Dad over the very brother he was now looking at because Dean wanted to go to Stanford and John had pulled the ex-Marine drill Sergeant tone to forbid him.

The call made the choice for him and while Dean was silently daring his Dad to toss out the 'if you go then don't come back' line again and wasn't sure what to think when all he'd gotten was a stony glare before John left on his own hunt in Florida.

It still felt weird at times for Dean to drive in the Impala and not have his brother beside him and while he missed Sam and hated being alone so much these days he wouldn't ever begrudge his brother what he had now, especially the hot little blond who was holding onto Sam's arm.

Though as a big brother who had been with Sam every second of his life until that night two years earlier Dean suspected the petite looking, at least next to his 6'4" Sasquatch of a brother, girl was also holding Sam's arm to keep him walking in a straight line because even from forty yards away Dean knew sick when he saw it and Sammy was sick.

The too bright hazel eyes on a face that looked three shades paler than normal, the floppy hair that Sam kept pushing back out of his eyes with a hand that shook, the wobbly legs that reminded Dean of his brother's first awkward growth spurt and of course the throwing up in a garbage can on the curb also spelled sick little brother.

"So how long's he been with her, what's her name, does he look happy with her and what's she like?" Dean asked without looking away from his pale faced brother who was shaking his head at something the blond was saying and figuring she wanted to get him to a doctor or an ER and Sam was refusing.

Caleb pulled the collar of his jacket up while tugging a cap over his bald head and remembering why he hated October even in California. "I noticed her with him toward the beginning of sophomore year so they either met over the summer or shortly after school went back into session," he replied, trying to take a look through the binoculars but only got an elbow in the ribs for his attempt.

"Her name is Jessica Moore. Yes, he looks happy with her or nearly as happy as I've seen Sam look when he's with anyone," Caleb nearly slipped up and added the '_except when he was hanging out with you'_ part but didn't since he didn't want to hurt his friend by reminding him that Sam was gone. "And how would I know what she's like?"

Dropping the glasses when the couple turned the corner to go to the apartment building, Dean finally stood to stretch and offer a smirk. "Because you wouldn't have let _my_ little brother move in with a girl unless you'd already found a way to meet her and check out the type of person she is," he pointed out, lifting an eyebrow. "Right?"

"Fine, but be glad I did because the way I met her is also the way you're going to," Caleb reached into his truck to hold out a badge and a pair of coveralls. "Welcome to ACME Bug Zappers, Dean. The bigger the bug the bigger the crunch when they zap."

Staring at the uniform and badge, Dean's green eyes narrowed as he took in the small tank his friend was pulling out. "You pretended to be an exterminator to get into the apartment? Seriously, dude? What the hell's in that tank?" he demanded, reminding himself why they used to get into trouble as teenagers.

"I don't know what it is. Some girl I date in the area works at a real exterminator and gives me a discount on the stuff when I need to use the cover," Caleb shrugged, stepping into his outfit when a strong hand grabbed his shoulder. "Hey, ow!"

"You don't even know if this stuff's harmful to humans then?" Dean stared at him, shaking his head. "Are you trying to poison Sammy? Get rid of that thing and use a fake tank filled with something. He's sick enough without you poisoning him."

Caleb opened his mouth to argue but shut it because he knew better than to argue with Dean when he was slipping into hyper older brother mode. "If he's sick, do you think he'll go to class tomorrow?" he asked curiously, wondering what he could do to distract Dean from the fact that his brother was sick tonight. "She's usually at home in the morning so I figured we could find a bar tonight and…"

"He's sick, throwing up and probably has a fever above a hundred by now so Sam's going to crash and we're going in now," Dean replied, slipping out of his leather jacket before pulling on the coveralls and attaching the badge while ignoring the sputtering behind him. "If I hadn't seen him puke up a lung just now we would've waited so I could get a look at Miss Jessica by herself but now we're going to go inspect for bugs, get a better look at the girl living with my brother and…take a huge risk."

"Risk? What risk?" Caleb blinked when it hit him and he groaned. "Ace, wait a second here," he cursed his own damn stupidity for calling Dean down because he should've shown what his friend would do upon seeing that Sam was sick. "Dean! He's not going to be sick enough to now know you even in that getup and he's Winchester enough to be on guard."

Dean stuffed what he needed from the Impala in the handy bag with Caleb's fake bug killing name on it before pulling a cap over his short hair and slapping his friend on the back. "You just get us in the door and let me worry about everything else."

"Yeah, like explaining to the pretty blond girl from Middle America why her sicker than a dog, puppy eyed boyfriend decided to beat the living hell outta of an exterminator," Caleb rolled his eyes as he was already picturing both the fight and how he'd explain it to Jim Murphy when he called the man to come clear to California to bail both of them out of jail. "This is why I don't call you very often, Ace."

"There been times when you should've called me for something and didn't?" Dean asked, his tone dropping to a lower one that usually meant his temper was on the surface. "Sam's been at this fancy school for two years, Caleb. Has there been times that you should've told me something and didn't?"

Caleb was rash and foolhardy at times or so he'd been told but he wasn't stupid or suicidal enough to ever answer that question truthfully since there were at least three times over the last two years that he'd been around checking on the younger Winchester that he seriously should've called Dean and hadn't.

"No, Ace…of course not," he deadpanned and hoped Dean was distracted enough to let it go at that.

"You'll tell me later," Dean remarked, no way buying that line but not wanting to focus on that right then and let his friend lead the way into the building.

A quick look around told Dean the apartment building had seen better days and the security on it was a joke so he hoped Sam was using some common sense in securing his own place.

He'd scoped the outside of the building himself on another visit and so knew how pathetically easy it was to break in but he wasn't there to lecture at least not this time.

"This is really late for bug men to be out, Dean," Caleb was saying before they approached the door. "I mean, I know this is California and a college town but c'mon, you really think she's going to go for this?"

If it was Sam at full health then Dean would hope not but he was hoping the little blond was still a bit naïve about suspecting things and that Caleb could still pull off a con job to get them in the door.

"The manager had some complaints and didn't want to wait until the morning to find out if he had an infestation of something," the hunter was good at thinking on his feet as his friend knocked on the door, holding his breath when the door opened as far as the chain on the door would allow to show the smiling blond girl and Dean had to admit that his baby brother had down quite well for himself in the girlfriend department.

"Oh, hello," Jessica Moore smiled up at the one exterminator who had sprayed the apartment shortly before Sam moved in. "Can I help you."

"You sure can, sugar," Caleb could lie and con with the best of them, usually only outdone by Dean, and when he wanted to charm a woman he could and relied on that skill now. "My office got a call this evening from the building manager who it seems has had a few complaints about bugs and insists me and my partner do a run through of a few of them tonight so he'd know what he was dealing with," he smiled while nodding over at Dean. "This is the last on our list. A quick look and maybe a spray and we'll be outta your hair."

Jessica glanced back toward the bedroom where she wasn't hearing anymore coughing or throwing up or the worst sound was when Sam calling out for someone she couldn't give him. "Well, it can't wait until the morning?"

"No, the manager wants it done now," Caleb forced an eyeroll like it was a big pain in the butt for him too but never stopped smiling. "There's two of us so it'll take half the time."

The smiling man had been friendly and quick the last time, making her laugh while he sprayed the place and she felt safe enough even with a sick boyfriend so she shut the door to unlock it and missed the smirk exchanged between the two men. "What kind of bugs?"

"Oh, um…some kind of new bug from Mexico," Caleb had to think fast on that one as he placed his bug sprayer, now filled with some scented water rather than what he had, on the floor to begin set up while looking at his 'partner'. "How about if I do the front half of this place and you take the bedrooms and bathroom?"

Any other time Caleb would have done it the other way but suspected that Dean wouldn't be happy until he made certain Sam wasn't sick enough to need more care than Jessica could give.

"Oh!" Jessica took a quick step to place herself between the exterminators and the bedroom. "Do you have to go in there?" she asked quietly, trying to keep her voice low in case Sam had finally fallen to sleep. "It's just that my boyfriend's been sick the past few days and he just fell to sleep after days of not sleeping and I'd hate for him to wake up."

"He won't even know I'm there," Dean assured her, slipping a bit more drawl in his voice that he'd picked up from a case in Texas when he was a teenager. "You just watch my partner doesn't charm you outta whatever you're baking."

Caleb shot him a sour look since unless this girl had learned to cook there was no way in Hell was he eating anything she gave him but he got that meant he was supposed to keep Jessica distracted and out of the bedroom.

As Jessica smiled brightly and began to pick up school books and scattered clothes from wherever Sam had tossed his stuff upon getting home and heading straight to bed. "The bedroom is straight down the hall."

"Thanks," Dean had to admit she was pretty and friendly but she also seemed more outgoing than his brother ever had been…unless Sam changed that much since leaving…home.

The word seemed hollow to Dean now since home to him was his little brother and now without Sam it just seemed like life was whatever hunt he found wherever he found it.

Stepping into the bedroom, Dean closed the door without a sound and then let his eyes adjust to the dim light since the small crowded bedroom was lit right then with a small table lamp set off in the corner so it wouldn't keep the young man sleeping on the bed.

The double bed looked like a warzone but then the hunter knew only too well that his brother was a restless sleeper in the best of times but when he was sick like this he was in constant motion and now wasn't any different.

In the hour and a half between when he'd last seen Sam on the street to now, Dean could tell the fever had spiked just by the flushed face, the sweat that made his brother's hair stick to his forehead, the rapid eye movement under his closed lids and the shivering Sam was doing even though he was wearing an old hoodie that Dean had given him one year and a blanket that he kept throwing off.

"Sammy," he murmured, surprised at how young Sam could still look when this sick and at how much he wanted to reach out to brush that hair back but didn't out of fear of waking his brother.

Dean knew his time was limited so he took out the things he'd stuffed in the bag that he'd been planning on leaving with Sam in one way or another.

It wasn't always easy to sneak his brother money since Sam was proud and stubborn and Dean knew if his brother realized where the cards with cash in it were coming from he'd more than likely throw it in Dean's face out of concern that it was their Dad's money but Dean worked damned hard at hustling pool to earn money for his brother.

The first trip to Stanford after Sam left and Dean realized the money he'd slipped his brother at the bus station hadn't been enough to do much than pay for books and some meals and he sure as hell didn't want Sam busing tables at an all-night diner when he had early classes every day.

Not that Dean thought Sam was stupid and wasn't suspicious about the money but until the kid caught on or caught him then he'd continue to send Sam money.

He'd saved up a couple hundred for this trip but now that he noticed how sick Sam was and knew from years of past experience what his brother would need to get him over this he emptied his own wallet of all but forty dollars for gas and added it to the amount he slipped into a plain card with a clown on it.

Clowns, moose or puppies always seemed to be Dean's choices when picking a card for his brother and he placed it where Sam would see it upon waking up after the fever broke.

The next thing he left might be pushing it but he figured if he mixed in the couple of new shirts and jeans in with the older more ragged ones maybe he'd be lucky and Sam would just think Jessica had bought them sometime but it was clear that Sam's money was being spent on rent, food and school and not himself.

Listening to Caleb talking to Sam's girlfriend reminded Dean that his brother had finally gotten what he'd wanted ever since he was old enough to understand the truth and had decided he didn't want to hunt.

Dean made the noises that would sound as if he were searching for bugs but gazed at the bedroom to see that not a lot of his brother's personality was expressed. Not that he expected Sam to have much up when he'd left with the clothes on his back and a duffel bag of clothes that were all he owned when a photo stuck in the dresser mirror caught his attention.

The photo was of their Mom and Dad, probably before Dean was born, and was one of the few pictures of the Mom that still existed and he knew Sam had taken it from their Dad's truck sometime before he planned to leave.

His smile was shaky as he looked between the photo and his sleeping brother to see how much like their Mom Sam looked like, wishing that he'd gotten to know her a little better because neither Dean nor their Dad ever talked about Mary Winchester much.

Dean knew Sam did have a couple photos of them together that their Dad or Pastor Jim had taken over the years but he didn't question why his brother didn't have those out. He accepted that Sam wanted a clean break and as he placed the photo back in the mirror he guessed his brother had finally found that.

Hearing a broken cough and a whimper made Dean turn toward the bed before he even realized what the hell he was doing and picked up a damp cloth from the floor to gently wipe it over Sam's sweat soaked face. "You came down with it bad again didn't you, kiddo?" he asked softly, eyeing the bottles of over the counter meds, cough syrups and other pills on the bedside table before placing other bottles that he'd bought before coming here alongside them.

Ever since Sam had come down with pneumonia at six years old, it almost never failed that he'd get sick sometime between fall and winter as Dean's hand lightly touched the feverish skin he knew Sam had been hit bad but was relieved not to hear a rattle when he breathed.

"You're gonna be fine, Sammy," he whispered, pulling the blanket back up to tuck it around Sam and then just sat there to stare at his brother's face as if trying to burn this image into his mind. "Looks like you made out just fine in the girlfriend department and she'll make sure you get over this cold but dude, you better use some of this money for a coat or else I'll be making another trip down here and trying to sneak that into a card won't be fun."

Suddenly realizing this might not have been a good plan when he felt his chest tighten and his eyes begin to burn, Dean started to stand up to leave when a hand covered his weakly; freezing him place when glassy hazel eyes struggled to open and look at him without really seeing anything but what the fever allowed him to.

"Miss…you."

Sam's voice was hoarse from coughing and from being sore but he kept his eyes open longer. "Be…better if…you were…here, De'n."

"Nah, you got a hot little nurse out there who can do a lot more than I ever did," Dean forced a shaky smile but turned his hand over so Sam could grip his better and found that even though he knew his brother thought this was a dream he really didn't want to let go yet. "You're sick, Sammy."

"Typical for…fall," Sam yawned, rubbing his eyes with the hand not gripping Dean's. "Cleaned…gutters one weekend for cash, rent went up, and it rained and…" he began coughing hard, turning his face into the pillow until a hand began to rub over his chest where it felt the tightest and like always the coughing slowed down. "See what I mean? You know…to do those things. Jess doesn't."

It was true. Dean had spent all of Sam's life learning just what to do when his brother was sick to soothe him or get him well faster because he'd never liked to see his little brother sick or scared when he coughed so hard he couldn't breathe and it was still too easy to fall back into that role…even if it wasn't his job anymore.

"You have to tell her what to do," Dean replied, a little surprised at how much it hurt to think of someone else doing the little things for Sam that had once just been between them.

"No," Sam's tone now sounded like he did at five when stubbornly refusing to do something or accept help and his scrunched his face up like that five year old too. "Jess can't make this go away. Only De'n…only you can but you're not here and Dad said…"

"Dad said that about coming back, not calling," Dean corrected but something in the way his brother's fingers shook and when he began chewing his bottom lip had him frowning. "Sam…did you try to call me?"

Sam reached blindly for the water he knew was there but then got distracted by the feel of cool fingers brushing through his hair like he could remember from his childhood and relaxed again. "Couple times since I left," he mumbled, sipping automatically from the straw that was placed on his lips. "I hate bullies."

"Yeah, well so do I as a general rule," Dean returned, sitting the water aside and focusing on making sense of Sam's words. "You have issues with bullies in Stanford, Sam?" he asked tightly, pushing back the basic urge to snarl at anyone who touched his brother.

"Yeah, rich kids…picking on the new guy in school. Got a full ride into Stanford but could barely afford a meal or new clothes once the money you gave me was gone," Sam snickered at the low curse thrown. "I left with no money except what I had and there was two hundred in my duffel so…not stupid, De'n. Knew you gave me what you had but…these guys…didn't like me cause I don't fit in here either and beat the crap…"

Dean's mind went deaf at that and wondered if he shouldn't be making more regular visits to this place if people were going to beat the crap out of his brother just for not having the right clothes or hobbies. "You called me then?" he asked carefully, letting Sam hold on tighter. "Did Dad answer my phone, Sam?"

"Dad said…I got what I wanted and he didn't want you distracted," Sam shrugged, wincing as his whole body ached and he didn't want covered but everytime he tossed the blanket it came right back until he finally gave in and tucked it under his chin. "I left him, I left hunting…I didn't think it would mean leaving and losing my big brother too."

The tears were there in both Sam's glassy eyes and his voice and it took a lot of willpower not to reach to hold Sam like he used to when his brother was sick and upset but since he was just a dream for Sam he couldn't and so only let his fingers smooth through sweat soaked hair again.

"You didn't lose me, little brother. I'm a phone call away but…we both know if you want normal, if you want the perfect house with a fence and yard with pretty Miss Jess out there then we're both gonna have to let go. No matter how much I hate the thought of never seeing you again," Dean looked toward the door and knew it was time he wrapped this up before Jessica came to check on Sam and found her fevered and dreaming boyfriend holding onto the wrist on a supposed exterminator.

"You need to go to sleep and let this fever break," he told Sam seriously, holding his watery eyes one more time before smiling. "I'm proud of you, little brother. You did what you said and you got out. You're gonna finish this fancy school and make something of yourself and forget about the crappy childhood you had and one day forget me and Dad."

When Sam went to speak again he found the words wouldn't come no matter how much he wanted them to as the blanket was once again tucked around him and the hand he'd been grasping slowly eased away. "Will you be back?" he asked just as his 'dream brother' reached the door.

"I'm never that far away, Sammy," Dean assured him, refusing to look back because he knew if he did his resolve would go to hell and Caleb would kill him. "Take care of yourself and…take the damn pills like it says to."

Stepping out of the bedroom but still hearing the quiet call of his name, Dean leaned against the door for several seconds until he thought he could face Jessica with a straight face and dry eyes.

"So, no bugs out here," Caleb had sensed his approach but had to fight to keep his expression the same when he caught the emotions Dean couldn't hide from people who knew him. "Umm, what about back there?"

"No, no bugs," Dean coughed, shouldering the bag before looking fully at the girl who would be the one taking care of his little brother. "He's still sleeping but talking to someone and it looks like he may need some meds soon," he told her as if treating for bugs with a sick guy in the room wasn't too odd.

Jessica only nodded with a sad smile. "He's probably talking to his brother. Sam wants him so badly but he's scared of putting him in the middle of some fight with their Dad so he won't call him even though he keeps telling me that I don't know what to do for him and won't tell me," she glanced back to the bedroom before going to show the exterminators out. "Thanks for looking at the place. The last thing I need would be creepy crawley things popping up. Sam gets jumpy enough at a weird sound or a flashing light bulb."

"All part of the job, ma'am," Caleb smiled, waiting to hear the chain being latched again before running to catch up with his friend who had made a straight shot to the street. "Dean! Hey! Ace, wait up!"

Jessica locked the door again before going to check on Sam and see if he did need any medicine again, not surprised to hear his soft voice as she opened their bedroom door.

"Sam, you awake?" she sat down on the bed, noticing the odd card propped up on the table but didn't question it since she'd gotten used to little things just appearing and when Sam would only smirk at them she'd stopped worrying. "I'm sorry if you got woke up. The manager sent a couple exterminators in to check for bugs but we're clean so…"

Coughing again, Sam rubbed a weak hand over his wet face before swallowing the pills that had been laid out for him before Jessica had even gotten to the room. "…wasn't…exterminators," he mumbled sleepily, turning to face the other way because he didn't want her to see the tears that were going to come soon. "My…brother."

"Oh, honey," Jessica went to smooth his hair back but stopped when Sam tensed and she remembered that while he didn't mind her doing that any other time he refused to let her when he was sick. "I wish that had been your brother, Sam…but it was just a guy doing his job."

Sam's smile was small but there as he closed his eyes but could still feel the touch on his face and understood what his girlfriend didn't and probably never would but it bothered him what he'd heard too because he had never once considered forgetting his family, forgetting Dean. "Yeah, just doing his job," he whispered as sleep came again. "Always do that…for me."

Dean had needed out of that building before he gave Jessica a long list of things that Sam needed done for him while sick but had forced himself to keep quiet and walk away but the moment he hit the street to jerk the coveralls off, his hand was on his phone.

Ignoring Caleb's questions, Dean hit speed dial without bothering to think if this was a mistake. "Hey," he greeted shortly but his tone was more gruff and definitely not the one John Winchester liked to hear from his 'good' son. "Got a question, Dad."

"Oh, shit," Caleb groaned, knowing if Dean was calling John then something had happened with Sam and that never spelled good things. "Ace!"

"A couple months after Sam left for school, well…after you kicked him out and told him never to come back did he call _my_ cell phone to talk to _me _only to have you tell him that he got what he wanted and you didn't want him acting as a distraction for me?" Dean demanded tightly, leaning against the Impala and feeling his temper spike at the deep disapproving voice that was answering him. "Did you bother to ask him why he was calling me, Dad? Of course not. You were still pissed off at him that you didn't give your son, my little brother, a chance to say that some bastards out here had beaten the crap outta him."

Dean's fingers pulled through his hair before slamming a fist onto the Impala's roof. "Damn it, Dad! I don't care that you're mad at him or that you feel you can turn your back on him but Sam's still my brother! I taught him what he knows and I gave up everything so he could leave, so Sam could have normal and safe, but don't you ever try to tell me that I can't see him or talk to him!" he snapped, blowing out a breath.

"Yeah, I'm in Stanford and Sam's so sick from working in the rain to earn money for rent and food that he'll never remember me being close enough to touch him but that's fine because Sammy has himself a pretty girl, and grades good enough to take him anywhere he wants to go but he will never hunt again," Dean heard his voice break, could feel the tears fall and didn't care as he looked back to the apartment one last time.

"I'll let him go and he will never see me face to face but that will not mean I'll stop checking on him because he's my little brother and that's my damn job," the phone dropped into the Impala and for several moments all Dean did was stand there until he finally became aware of Caleb's words. "No, he won't remember seeing me, Caleb. To Sam, I was a dream and I hope one day his whole damn childhood will seem like that for him."

**Two Years Later, outside of Palo Alto, CA:**

The bitter and ragged sobs were what woke Dean from a not so fitful sleep, opening his eyes fully upon realizing the sounds were much closer than the other bed in the motel room he'd booked them into that day.

He'd wanted to give Sam some space from well-meaning friends who had tried to be supportive but it hadn't escaped Dean's eyes or ears the way the whispers and side-long looks had started even before Jessica's funeral and he knew Sam had picked up on some if it because the kid had been glued to his side the entire day as if silently asking his brother to do what only Dean had ever done for him and that was be as much a buffer as he could be.

The motel outside of town had seemed the best way to do that while Sam finished dealing with things; like taking what belongings he had that escaped the fire or telling the school that he was taking time off to cope with the fire and Jessica's death.

The nightmares were constant when Sam tried to sleep but only when they were really bad did Dean end up with an armful of little brother and from the sounds he heard now it sounded like he should have already had that.

"Sam?" pushing up on an elbow, Dean blinked when he found Sam sitting between the beds with his back against Dean's, his knees drawn up to his chin and clutching the small tin box that had been in the duffel bag that Dean had thankfully grabbed before pulling his brother out of the burning apartment. "Hey, weren't you on that bed when I fell to sleep?"

"She's gone," Sam whispered through tears but still his eyes were locked on whatever it was clutched in his hand. "This shouldn't have happened to her."

Sighing, Dean sat up and with a groan slid down until he was sitting beside his brother in the very cramped space between the beds. "No, it shouldn't have and I'm sorry I brought it back to your door, Sam," he sighed, once again wishing he'd done what he told Caleb he would two years ago and never went to Sam again. "I…I should've left you alone and…"

"I wouldn't have forgotten," Sam spoke again, sniffling but slowly let his head rest on his arms while leaning against his brother's shoulder.

"No, you won't forget Jessica," Dean replied, grasping now since Sam didn't sound like he was talking about Jessica any longer.

Sam's fingers opened to show Dean what he was holding and it only took the older hunter a second to recognize the clown card he'd left his brother that night when Sam had been so sick.

"You said I should forget you and my childhood but no matter how much I hated not being normal, Dean…I didn't ever want to forget that I had an older brother who still looked out for me even after I'd left for school," he shifted a little to watch his brother's face. "I remember you being there that night, Dean. I remember you rubbing the tightness away in my chest like you used to and making me stay covered and…how much of that money was yours and how much did you cheat at pool to get?"

"Hey, I won that money," Dean argued, sighing and letting his brother move closer until he could get an arm around him, knowing neither of them were going to be moving well in the morning if Sam fell to sleep on the floor. "You weren't supposed to remember that, Sam."

Tired and grieving, Sam settled with his head on his brother's shoulder like he would as a kid and allowed Dean to see what he kept in the box that went everywhere with him. "I was sick, not dying," he muttered, hearing a soft breath. "You were looking for the pictures of us, weren't you?"

Sam knew his brother would've seen the photo of their parents and guessed Dean wondered about the others but Sam kept those in the same place he kept everything important to him and that was in the small box he would keep in the bedside table or his duffel.

"The photos of you and me, the rubber bracelet you gave me that matches yours, the first compass you bought me, the ID you ever faked for me…everything I could fit in here that was important to me was mostly given to me by you so I didn't want to forget you or not see you," Sam told him, dropping his eyes. "I just didn't want to hunt and now…now I don't know what I want other than to find the thing that killed Jess and Mom."

"We will find it," Dean promised him, reaching back to grab his blanket when he felt Sam shiver and accepted he was on the floor for the night as Sam settled against him and began to fall to sleep. "We'll find it and one day you'll have normal."

"Will I lose you if I do?" Sam asked sleepily. "Normal ain't worth losing my brother."

Dean noticed that Sam still wouldn't mention their Dad but didn't bring it up as he stretched out as much as possible to let his brother find comfort and sleep where he would. "You won't ever lose me, Sammy," he promised softly as Sam began to relax back into sleep with the pictures of them clutched in his hand. "Even if you find normal one day, I'll always check on you."

He hoped it would be that simple and that one day, even if it did mean letting Sam go, he could get his brother the happiness he's always wanted and that Sam didn't have to go through more horror and pain than he had already in his life.

"Yeah, love you too, Sammy," he smiled at hearing the mumbled words, knowing he could call do-over on the mild chick flick rule infraction in the morning once Sam was awake and cranky because he slept sitting up. "It'll get better, Sam. Trust me."

As Dean fell to sleep, he silently hoped he could give his brother that since he figured nothing could be worse than what Sam had just seen or gone through.

**The End**


End file.
